


dandelion

by prodbeomgyu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Farmer Choi Beomgyu, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idol Choi Yeonjun, M/M, Mutual Pining, Short updates, Sweetheart Choi Beomgyu, beomjun - Freeform, idk how to tag help, i’ll tag as i go i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23572522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prodbeomgyu/pseuds/prodbeomgyu
Summary: The limelight, ladies, and luxury; top idol and “4th gen it boy” Choi Yeonjun has it all, and he’s convinced he’s never going to leave such a lifestyle behind. But when he’s forced to film in an isolated rural city, he’s reunited with his first love — farmer’s son Choi Beomgyu, and starts doubting what he really wants.
Relationships: Choi Yeonjun/Choi Beomgyu
Comments: 66
Kudos: 268





	1. 01.

**Author's Note:**

> hi (sorry for my bad english) lmao the chapters i’ll post will more often than not be unbeta-ed so . mercy pls

Yeonjun is awoken by the familiar yet incredibly bothersome ringing of his phone. He wants to ignore it, he attempts to by putting a pillow over his head and even haphazardly opens his bedside drawer to place his phone inside. But when the incessant ringtone doesn’t stop, he sighs in surrender and grabs the device to welcome his manager’s complaints. 

“I’ve been calling the past fifteen minutes.”

“I was asleep the past fifteen minutes.”

“Well, get up and shower. We have a meeting in half an hour to discuss your schedule.”

The idol doesn’t bother saying goodbye, doesn’t bother showing any sign of acknowledgement, he simply ends the call before looking through his recent notifications. Various messages were sent to him by both male and female idols, thanking him for his company the previous evening and that they should talk more. Right. He attended an afterparty last night, which explains the massive headache hammering into his skull. 

Yeonjun lies back down in his bed, feeling the cotton sheets as he observed the interior of his penthouse. From the rare mahogany wood ground surface, to the sleek flat screen television perched on the wall in front of his bed, to his awards secured inside a glass case, until his eyes land on the floor to ceiling windows that provided the view of the city beneath him. 

He worked hard to be in his position now. Five years of sleepless nights filled with loneliness, fatigue, and endless wondering of when it’ll be his turn under the spotlight. Until finally, he was given the chance and he made sure to make the most of it.

Yeonjun gets up from his bed again and saunters to the window, admiring the view of Seoul under his feet. He’s at the top now, right where he should be. Right where he’ll always be.

  
  


* * *

The idol is careful not to step on any puddles as he steps down the van. It apparently rained while he was still asleep and the asphalt hadn’t completely dried yet. Yeonjun mentally curses at the sky, his shoes were brand new, thus he has to mind each step in order to not get the pair dirty. 

Yeonjun braces himself as he squeezes through the crowd formed by fans and paparazzis. It’s moments like these that he wants to scream; scream at the people shamelessly invading his space, scream at his bodyguards to do better. But instead of doing either, the male plasters on a smile and waves to a few fans, making sure that it’s wide enough to make his cheeks hurt — wide enough to hide the fakeness behind his gratitude. Yeonjun isn’t that much of an unappreciative brat, he acknowledges that the reason for his success is the very people around him now. But it’s difficult to be entirely genuine when a small part of his old self dies with each flash of the camera directly at his eyes and with each uninvited hand that claws at him.

Yeonjun can’t help but release a sigh of relief when he finally enters the agency, he’s used to the attention but it doesn’t mean it stops becoming tiring. It would be foolish to do so, but as he steps in the elevator and chooses the floor where his manager’s office is located, he silently hopes for an easy day.

He’s still polite, so Yeonjun knocks on the door before barging in. He heads straight to the chair in front of the table where his manager was already waiting. “You barely made it on time.” The man says without looking up from the paper he was skimming through.

“But I’m on time anyway, so you can’t reprimand me today about punctuality, Seungho hyung.” Yeonjun casually places his feet on the other chair in front of him. He doesn’t do this to disrespect his manager, rather it’s actually because he’s comfortable enough around the older male. During his trainee days until now, Seungho was one of the few people that was genuine with him from the start.

“Okay whatever, let’s just get straight to the point. Your focus today is vocal lessons, then choreography from 9pm until 11. There’s a pre-recording tomorrow for Inkigayo then we have to head straight to a photoshoot for Dazed, you barely have a break between those two, we’re kind of in a rush because of the other schedule. The most important one.”

“What’s the most important one?”

“A music video shoot. But as of now, your name is steadily rising and the CEO wants to keep it that way. So he’s hired a bunch of experienced directors and whatnot. The location will be pretty.. different too.”

Yeonjun raises a brow. “What do you mean?”

“It’s at Cheongsando Island.”

The moment he hears the name, Yeonjun feels a shiver run down his spine. He hasn’t been there in so long, he’s convinced the only connection with it he has left is the occasional phone call with his parents. Other than that, the island is a memory he placed in the back of his mind to make room for Seoul.

“That’s right Yeonjun,” Seungho finally closes the folder he was busy reading. “It’s time to go _home._ ”

  
  


* * *

His schedules pass by in a blur and four days later, the next seat Yeonjun finds himself in is on a first class plane to South Jeolla, the province where Cheongsando is found. The male tries to distract himself from the anxiety slowly consuming him by listening to music or by watching movies, he doesn’t even notice that both of his legs were bouncing up and down until Seungho calls him out. “What are you so nervous for, kid? Running away from something in your hometown?”

As his manager laughs at his own joke, various memories flash through Yeonjun’s head. They start with flower fields and warm nights with his family, until they focus on a particular young boy; his endearing and contagious laugh, his twinkling eyes that looked up at Yeonjun with pure admiration, intimate moments of them holding each other close, and the boy’s cries for the older not to go — all of these play in the idol’s mind like a vivid movie. 

Yeonjun feels his heart drop. He wasn’t feeling uneasy because he wanted to escape from something in Cheongsando, it was because he wanted to _come back_ for something — for someone. 

The apprehensiveness was coming from the possibility that the person Yeonjun wanted to go back to, wasn’t waiting for him anymore. 

Somewhere along the ride, Yeonjun must have fallen asleep because three hours later he’s shaken awake by Seungho. The former is thankful he got some shut eye, he’s not sure how he could have handled overthinking about how much his hometown might have changed. Is the area getting more tourists now? Are the traditional structures still untouched and in place? Where do his old neighbors live now? Most of all, how was B-

“Yeonjun! It’s time to leave. Come on, we still need to check in at a hotel closest to the village.” Seungho interrupts the younger’s train of thought.

While he was waiting for his luggage, Yeonjun tapped his left foot. Although he was nervous, there was also some excitement. Who wouldn’t be feeling so after finally stepping in their hometown after five whole years? And even if the island had gone through a lot of changes, that’s not something that should be considered bad either nor should it be surprising. Right?

Yeonjun rushes Seungho and the other staff with them, since the hotel they were going to stay in was only close to and not actually in his home village itself, he wants to check in as soon as possible so he can head straight to the rural town.

Or..

“Actually you know what, I can’t wait anymore. Just text me the hotel’s address and I’ll go later.” The young male pushes the duffle bag towards his manager, whose face morphed into an incredulous expression.

“Are you insane? I know this place isn’t as crowded as Seoul but you still have to be careful.”

“I’ll put on a mask. Okay see you later.” Yeonjun leaves the rest of his luggage with the staff and turns around without another word, completely ignoring Seungho’s calls. 

Thankfully, Yeonjun still knows the island like the back of his hand. He easily finds a location where he can be picked up by a cab, not wanting to take the bus to have as less people as possible see him. 

Yeonjun turns to the window and simply observes the sight before him. Some large structures were still right where he remembers them, while there were some that he has only seen for the first time today. But relief courses through him when he arrives at the village’s central marketplace. It hadn’t changed much, sure there were a few unfamiliar stalls, but the ambiance of home remained. He used to visit this place often, either to buy goods or sell them. Other times he went here for fun as this was the next best thing to a mall, which was almost an hour away.The idol pulls his mask down, trusting that this is a place he can be himself without worrying about an audience watching his every move. 

Although Seoul embodies what his future is going to be like, the city was also exhausting to be in; it never sleeps and if you’re not willing to catch up — it never forgives. Each day feels more packed than the last and as a famous figure daily competing with others for the public’s attention, Yeonjun works hard to ensure that he doesn’t get left behind. 

Cheongsando however, was the complete opposite. it’s slower and more merciful. Yeonjun knows he never has to worry about rushing to stay ahead, because it’s a town that waits. But even if Cheongsando was more familiar and more sympathetic, it also represents the past that Yeonjun isn’t planning to look back on anymore. 

The island has other plans though. 

“Yeonjun hyung?”

The said boy freezes and instantly feels a hollow pit form in his stomach. He knows that voice, he can recognize it from anywhere. After all, it’s a voice that haunts him each time he doubts his place in Seoul, it’s a voice that consumes him each time he has the time to mull over his regrets. 

Because it’s the voice of the first person he’s ever loved. 

Yeonjun turns around and feels his shoulders tense even more. He blinks to stop the tears that were threatening to fall and wipes his palms that had suddenly become sweaty on his jeans. It takes everything in him to hold back a sob. 

Beomgyu had become even more beautiful. 

The older of the pair deeply inhales to compose himself and forces a smile. 

“Hey, petal.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gonna be real with y’all my updates are usually on the shorter side, especially on this first one since it’s more of an intro. i’ll try to make it longer though! also because of school, updates will be irregular. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)


	2. 02.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeonjun looks out of place in the marketplace, surrounded by stalls of fruits, vegetables, and raw fish. But more importantly, he looks out of reach — embodying everything that Beomgyu can’t afford to have. And suddenly, the latter finds himself rooted in place instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta-ed, don’t judge too harshly

Beomgyu feels his knees weaken. After five whole years, Yeonjun was standing right in front of him. Was this actually happening? Or did his reality and dreams finally mesh together in his desperation to see the older again? 

“Hey, petal.”

No, that voice, that nickname. This was all real. 

Beomgyu wants to run to the other, he even feels adrenaline rush to the bottom of his feet, that is until Yeonjun’s appearance completely sinks in. He was wearing pristine white shoes, in his hand was an expensive phone that isn’t even in stock yet in Cheongsando, and even the t-shirt he had on bore a brand that Beomgyu can only imagine touching. 

Yeonjun looks out of place in the marketplace, surrounded by stalls of fruits, vegetables, and raw fish. But more importantly, he looks out of reach — embodying everything that Beomgyu can’t afford to have. And suddenly, the latter finds himself rooted in place instead. 

They were face to face, yet it’s as if the distance between them had never been greater. 

Beomgyu doesn’t move any closer, but he at least finds his voice. “Let’s.. talk outside. Would that be okay?”

He hears Yeonjun clear his throat before replying. “Yeah, that would be nice.” 

The pair head to a spot a little far from the market’s entrance to ensure that it will be quiet enough for them to talk. The younger of the two is the first to break the ice. “How have you been?” 

The idol audibly gulps. “I’ve been really busy but I’m okay. I have a schedule here so I thought it would be nice to see how the town’s been since..”

“Since you left five years ago and never looked back.” Yeonjun flinches at the cutthroat coldness in Beomgyu’s response. He can’t blame the other for any bitterness he’s possibly bearing. After all, Yeonjun had never even spared him a phone call. 

On the other hand, the shorter feels guilty for what he just said and mentally curses at himself. Yeonjun must already be stressed and exhausted, he shouldn’t add himself to the older’s list of things to worry about. What Beomgyu really needs to do is remind himself that Yeonjun doesn’t owe him anything. 

Five years ago, the older was given the choice to either stay with the familiar comfort that Cheongsando provides or chase the dream that only Seoul can fulfill. It’s obvious which one he picked and Beomgyu should remember that there was nothing wrong with that, even if the decision meant that he would get brushed aside too. 

Yeonjun deserves the brightest stars, not some boy who will only hold him back from reaching them. 

“How about you? How have you been?” The taller pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“Ah well, we actually moved homes because we earned enough money to buy more land! Our farm is way bigger now than how it was back then.” Perhaps it’s quite petty for him to do that, the reasoning behind it is even shallower, but Beomgyu makes sure to brag, makes sure to speak with pride, he wants to show Yeonjun that he wasn’t the only one doing great during their time apart. 

“Oh, you moved? Good thing we bumped into each other then. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to find you.”

“Well speaking of that, I actually have to go. I just came by to sell some of our recent harvests. It was nice seeing you again, hyung.” Beomgyu says his goodbyes a little too quickly, they’ve been through this before, turning away shouldn’t hurt as much now as it did years ago. But it does. 

A surge of panic courses through Yeonjun and pushes him to grasp the other’s wrist before he can take a step farther. “Wait! Let me take you home. So I’ll know where to find you next time.” 

Next time. 

Beomgyu absolutely hates how much hope and relief hearing those two words gave him. 

“Okay, let’s go.” 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


On their way to the farm, Yeonjun mentions how he’s in town for a music video shoot. It will most likely take three weeks at most. They’re not rushing but they still need to finish before a deadline. 

“I hope you have a nice stay then.”

After Beomgyu’s lame response, the pair fall into an awkward silence. It wasn’t suffocating enough to be considered uncomfortable, but the shorter starts walking faster. As of now, he’s a walking personification of internal conflict. One part of Beomgyu believes that the quicker they move, the earlier he can send Yeonjun away again, hence his longer strides. Meanwhile, the other wants to slow down to prolong the idol’s time with him; he was gone for so long, not once sending a postcard or at least a message to ask about his wellbeing, doesn’t Beomgyu have the right to be selfish even if it’s just for tonight? But choosing the second option doesn’t appear to be the right decision, not when the tension between them is thick enough to slice through. 

Truthfully speaking, it saddens Beomgyu how he feels the need to be so formal around the other. Before Yeonjun left, he could talk about anything with him without ever feeling an ounce of shame. It used to be so easy, but now Beomgyu can’t even say a word without doubting if he should really say it. 

Had Seoul caused that much of a drift between them? 

Yeonjun’s cautious steps don’t go unnoticed. It’s obvious how he makes sure not to get his shoes dirty. Beomgyu feels disappointed, back then the older could land into a puddle of mud and he would only laugh before standing up unfazed. But the former isn’t the least bit surprised. After all, once you’ve gotten a taste of utmost luxury, why would you let yourself be touched by anything less? 

“Oh, you’re back! Who’s your friend?” Beomgyu halts when he hears his mother’s voice. He had been so focused on the other possible ways that Yeonjun might have changed that he didn’t even notice they’ve arrived to his house already. 

“Mom, it’s Yeonjun. He’ll be on the island for a few weeks.” 

Hearing this, the said woman’s face morphs from confusion to excitement. “It’s been so long! Come inside and have dinner with us! You have to tell us how the big city is like.”

Yeonjun starts rubbing his nape, Beomgyu remembers that this is the older’s habit whenever he wants to say something but can’t quite bring himself to, so he does it for him. “Mom, he can’t stay long. Remember he’s a celebrity now, I’m sure he’s busy.” 

“Oh, alright. Well I understand, just visit at least once before you go okay?” 

Yeonjun steps closer to Beomgyu’s mother and the younger thinks that the blue-haired male is about to give her a hug. Beomgyu subconsciously holds his breath, but releases a sigh of disappointment when the taller only shakes his mother’s hand. 

In the past, Yeonjun had never been shy in hugging Beomgyu’s parents, they treated the boy as if he was their own. But perhaps even that habit had been erased the moment Yeonjun stepped foot outside Cheongsando. 

Not long after, the idol waves goodbye, saying that his manager was looking for him. However, he doesn’t leave without promising that he’ll visit again. “I’ll see you another time. Bye Mrs. Choi, bye.. Beomgyu.”

The younger’s knees weaken for the second time that night. As he stared at Yeonjun’s turned back that was slowly getting farther, he barely stops himself from screaming at him — ask him why he’s not calling him petal like he used to, like he just did an hour prior, and tell him to never stop calling him that name. It was the last thing he was holding on to, why did Yeonjun have to take away that too?

“He’s changed a lot huh? Old Yeonjun would have dived in for a hug before begging to stay longer.” Mrs. Choi states, nostalgia coating her tone. 

“Yeah. He’s changed,” Beomgyu pauses, he knows what he’s about to say is directed more to himself than to his mother. “So we should stop looking for the person he used to be.” 

Later in bed when only the moonlight is present to accompany Beomgyu, the stress from the night’s events slowly started ebbing away and he’s become calm enough to reach a realization. Bitterness aside, a part of him is still glad to see Yeonjun. The fact that the older is now a completely different person still needs to sink in, but he knows. 

Beomgyu knows that whether it was past Choi Yeonjun or present standing in front of him, his whole being would still long for the other all the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow the updates just keep getting shorter huh, nothing much happened again lol i’m considering putting slow burn in the tags
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz) (i have completed twt aus + i scream about beomjun a lot)


	3. 03.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, hyung, you’re here.” The shock is obvious on Beomgyu’s face after finding the older waiting by the rice field, as if he didn’t expect that Yeonjun would actually keep his word about visiting again.
> 
> The older feels the need to repeat it, as if reassuring not only Beomgyu, but himself too. “Yeah, I’m here.”

Yeonjun just finished a meeting with the staff, they talked about how the following days will proceed, about how if he just does what he’s told then they can fly back to Seoul even before the deadline. 

These types of schedules always felt long, having to wear a mask of professionalism when all he wanted to do was stay in bed and shut the world out made it seem like the seconds were dragging themselves on purpose. But now that he’s free for the rest of the day, Yeonjun is bored, eventually turning to calling one of his friends to pass time. 

“ _ I’m surprised you’re calling first. _ ” Huening Kai’s honey sweet voice is heard after the second ring. The boy is one of the few genuine friends Yeonjun has. Despite the fact that they have a three year age gap, the pair have a lot in common, sometimes too much. There was a point they were even planned to debut as a duo due to their close friendship and obvious chemistry, until the agency chose to have Yeonjun debut first as a soloist, leaving Kai to train for another two years. Although conflict over that had been inevitable, it’s fortunately long forgotten now. 

“I just have nothing else to do.”

_ “I heard from the others that you’re in Cheongsando Island, that’s your hometown right? How is it now?” _

Yeonjun contemplates on what he should talk about. Should he tell the younger about how he’s glad that the town’s famous tourist spots remain untouched and well-known? How he eventually wants to take a slow walk among the flower fields? How he’s relieved that so far he hasn’t encountered any unruly fans?

But instead of these, perhaps out of boredom and the need for something interesting to discuss (definitely not because he feels a strong urge to vent about a particular someone), Yeonjun takes a completely different direction. “I met my first love. He’s still here.”

Hearing the words  _ first love _ slip from his own mouth makes a small part of Yeonjun want to hide in embarrassment, he’s not the romantic type and dislikes anything he considers too cheesy. But he can’t find any other words that can grasp even a little of what Beomgyu means to him. It doesn’t sound right to only refer to him as a childhood best friend when Yeonjun knows he views the younger as much more than that, and it would simply be incorrect to remember him as an ex-boyfriend when they never actually reached that point. 

Yeonjun knows that even back then, he and Beomgyu already had an inkling of how they felt about each other, but remained foolishly tiptoeing on the thin line between friendship and love in fear of unintentionally losing both due to immaturity. 

(Now Yeonjun can’t help but think, if he hadn’t chosen Seoul at a young age and he had more time to grow with Beomgyu, would they have given it a try?) 

He hears Kai gasp in surprise before responding.  _ “Ah! Beom.. It’s Beomsomething! How is he? Are you guys holding hands now?” _

“Ha, funny, no. He probably hates me now, I deserve it though. I never came back and I never called.”

_ “Well.. why didn’t you?” _

“That’s a good question, let me think about it. Bye.”

_ “Wait wha-“ _

Yeonjun ends the call before Kai could even finish talking. The query struck him. 

Why didn’t he? 

He ponders on it while he puts a coat on, he deeply thinks about it as he takes a cab to Beomgyu’s house, and he’s still looking for the answer even while the said boy was already standing in front of him. 

Why didn’t he?

“Oh, hyung, you’re here.” The shock is obvious on Beomgyu’s face after finding the older waiting by the rice field, as if he didn’t expect that Yeonjun would actually keep his word about visiting again.

The older feels the need to repeat it, as if reassuring not only Beomgyu, but himself too. “Yeah, I’m here.” 

The two stand wordlessly outside the Choi household, unresolved tension keeping them from speaking comfortably. 

Yeonjun knows when Beomgyu starts talking, because it’s also when his eyes begin gazing right at the younger’s moving lips, taking notice of its defined cupid’s bow and the slight chapping of the lower lip possibly from working directly under the sun. He easily notices these seemingly insignificant details. In fact, its this immense focus on them that causes him to unintentionally drown out Beomgyu’s voice.

“..ung? Are you listening? Hyung!”

Yeonjun is pulled out of his brief enchantment to the other’s lips. “Yeah, sorry, could you repeat that?”

“I was asking what are you doing here?”

“Do I need a reason to be here? Can’t I come just because I want to?”

The statement appears to agitate Beomgyu, he purses his lips, clearly unimpressed. “What are you doing here?”

“I promised your mom that I would visit again right?”

“Well my parents aren’t around right now, I’m home alone. You should go.”

“But I just got here. It takes an hour to get here from my hotel.”

“Then maybe you should just stop coming here.”

The exchange begins to frustrate Yeonjun too. He completely understands why Beomgyu isn’t so accepting of him, he even expected it. But the fact that he’s not even willing to let him try to make amends is simply ridiculous to Yeonjun. 

Apparently, the idol had unknowingly voiced this out, because the next thing he hears is Beomgyu asking the very question that’s been bothering him since his conversation with Kai. 

“You had five years to try, hyung. So why didn’t you?”

Why didn’t he? 

Yeonjun is rendered speechless and paralyzed. He wants to reach out and explain himself, but how can he when he doesn’t know the answer either? 

The afternoon sun was glaring and shamelessly exuding warmth to everything its light touched, yet this only highlights how cold Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s relationship had grown. The older believes even Seoul’s harshest, most ruthless winter nights are unable to make him shiver as much as how Beomgyu was currently looking at him does. 

The younger’s eyes reflected a mixture of guilt, anger, and heartbreak. It pains Yeonjun to know that he was the cause of it. 

“If you can’t answer me, then you should just go. You’ve done it once, you can do it again.” Beomgyu feels terrible as he knows he’s saying all this because of his ugly intention to hurt Yeonjun back. He can’t seem to force himself to stop, it’s as if the resentment he’s been trying to push down and shelve away is now revealing itself in its nastiest form. 

Beomgyu wants to run away and hide and scream. At this point, he knows his control over how he feels has slipped away from his fingers. The part of him who still longs for Yeonjun and the part of him who wants nothing to do with the older have been in a constant battle with each other, Beomgyu still doesn’t know which side to trust. 

“If you’re not going to move, then I’ll go first. I’m not going to waste my time waiting for nothing,  _ again _ .” 

Seeing Beomgyu’s back turned away from him, the answer that Yeonjun had trouble realizing was now staring right back at him. His body feels both hot and cold as the epiphany dawns on him; his palms clammy yet heat was rising from his chest to his neck. His stomach twisted and churned, different emotions performing a somersault to cause turmoil. Out of all of them, one was rearing its ugly head the most; regret. 

“I was scared.” 

Beomgyu stops in his tracks and swivels around, he stays silent, urging the other to continue. 

“I was scared that I would come back here with nothing to show you. I was scared that I would come back and you’d just see me as a boy who wasted years of his life chasing a dream that wasn’t meant to be his. So I worked hard to force the spotlight on me, but once I got it, the next thing I was scared of was losing it.” Yeonjun’s voice trembles as he speaks, even cracking towards the end in his desperation to have Beomgyu understand. “I didn’t know that the cost of gaining fame would be losing you instead, and I will always be sorry for that.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Beomgyu replies not a second later, his head starting to ache as it takes everything in him to hold back his tears. 

“You didn’t have to choose between being an idol or me, I would have supported you every step of the way. I just needed a phone call, a visit, any sign that you still cared. But you couldn’t even give me that.” Years of pining and days filled with disappointment — all because of Yeonjun’s shallow trust in him. It hurts more than Beomgyu expected, it hurts more than it should. 

“I know and I’m so-“ 

The younger cuts Yeonjun off before the latter can attempt another apology. “I never cared if you came home as Yeonjun the idol or as Choi Yeonjun, the boy who grew up helping in a farm. All I wanted was for you to come back, at least just once, even if it wasn’t for me.” 

It’s as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped all over the taller as Beomgyu finished his outburst. Yeonjun’s mind blanks, unable to think of anything else other than one question: how will Beomgyu ever forgive him now? 

A familiar ringtone cuts through the silence. Uneasiness fills Yeonjun as he sees a female idol’s name flashes on the screen, demanding for his attention at the worst time possible. Dread courses through him even more as he notices that Beomgyu’s eyes catch the name on his phone too. 

“You should go, hyung. You might get your shirt dirty if you stay any longer.” Beomgyu leaves again, but this time, he doesn’t turn back to the older anymore, who remained rooted in his spot. 

Yeonjun ends up taking the call, making sure to mask his heartbreak with a tone of confidence and the right amount of flirty remarks. 

The call is a cruel reminder of the fact that although Cheongsando is his hometown, Yeonjun doesn’t belong there anymore, not when Seoul had already devoured all of him. 

He’s here simply to do his job, not to wonder and try finding out what might have been. 

Yeonjun needs to remember that. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man . i don’t think the updates are gonna get any longer LMAOOOO also do you guys think it’s moving too fast? i’m worried the pacing is too fast. okay in general i don’t think i did a good job with this chapter :/// let me know what you think !! (if you liked it maybe give a kudos too haha just kidding...unless?) 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/prodbeomgyu)


	4. 04.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeonjun shouldn’t be bothered. (But he is.) He shouldn’t care. (But he does.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: except for the first one, pretend that the italicized sentences are lyrics from a song yeonjun “wrote” — they sound rly cheesy but i’m a fic writer ok not a song writer >:(
> 
> unbeta-ed, as usual.

Three days had passed since his argument with Beomgyu and Yeonjun hadn’t tried to talk to him since then. The younger sent him away with such conviction, it was hurtful enough to prevent him from even stepping foot on the farm again; each word stuck to him, like a stain he can’t seem to get rid of. Besides, if being apart and staying apart is what Beomgyu wants, then Yeonjun has to respect that. 

The agenda today was to head to one of their filming locations, which was apparently going to be a large field of bright, yellow rapeseed flowers. Apparently, part of the music video was Yeonjun running in them, looking lost and desperate. 

As his manager briefs him on the day’s plan, the idol struggles to focus, however his ears perk up and shock registers on his face when he hears of a last minute change. 

“I know the plan was to film a video for your title track, but the producers and promoters called me recently and,” Seungho starts, pausing to make sure Yeonjun was listening. “They told me that you should also have a music video for one of your B-sides.”

“Which one?”

“Spring.”

Yeonjun’s eyes that were threatening to close now snap open, he bites his lower lip to stop himself from cursing out loud. It’s the one track he prayed he’ll never have to perform, but now he has to promote it?

Spring was never supposed to be released, it was a song made from tears motivated by raw emotions that plagued him that one, difficult night a year after his debut. Yeonjun intended to keep it in his notebook of lyrics permanently, figuring that it was too vulnerable for the public to see. Unfortunately, one of his producers found it and pushed him to include it in his next album, saying that it would be another hit love song. 

However, to Yeonjun, it was more than another sappy love song. It was a confession of regrets and a revelation of things left unsaid. And he wanted to leave them unsaid, because then maybe he’d eventually forget about them too. But the universe must absolutely love reminding him that the past will always come running back to haunt him.

010313\. Alternate title: Spring.

* * *

Yeonjun remains silent throughout the ride to the location, dreading the fact that his work is not only doubled, but now also based on a song he wrote for Beomgyu. Avoiding to think about the younger couldn’t possibly get any harder than this. 

Unfortunately, the island disagrees. 

Because when he arrived at the filming site, Beomgyu was already there waiting, standing beside a lean male who’s a good couple of inches taller. 

Yeonjun’s joints feel unnaturally stiff as he steps out of the van. The younger visibly tenses too after noticing him. “Oh hyung, I didn’t know you would be the one filming here.”

“Yeah, for a music video. How about you though? What are you doing here?” The older doesn’t maintain eye contact as he replies, afraid of what he’ll see in Beomgyu’s eyes this time. 

“Uhm, my family owns this field, we bought it some time ago. My parents told me someone was going to use this as a filming site and that I should look over it in case a part of the property gets damaged. I didn’t expect that that someone would be.. you.” 

Yeonjun suddenly feels courageous, knowing that the sudden bravery will only be brief, he takes the chance to ask, “Did you want it to be me?”

It’s Beomgyu’s turn to be rendered speechless, his mouth opens to answer but the words die on his tongue. He knew that there was a possibility that it would be Yeonjun, but did he hope that it really would be him? 

To the older’s disappointment, Beomgyu dodges the question by introducing the male beside him instead, who has been carefully watching the interaction. “Yeonjun hyung, this is Soobin hyung. He moved into town shortly after you left and kept me company, we’ve been friends since then.” 

The two strangers shake hands as courtesy. For a second, Soobin’s grip tightened. Yeonjun wants to believe that he was only imagining it. 

“Okay, I have to go.” The idol heads off after hearing his manager call him. 

_Kept me company._

What did that mean? Beomgyu and Soobin met right after he left and have stayed friends since then. Yeonjun is glad that the younger had someone by his side, but he couldn’t help the questions crawling from the back of his mind. Did they develop feelings for each other overtime? Perhaps they might have even dated during those five years? 

Yeonjun stops in his tracks as a realization dawns on him. 

He never asked Beomgyu if he was with someone else now. 

“Yeonjun, come on! The director is calling.”

But then again, he shouldn’t be bothered, he shouldn’t care. He’s here only to do his job and then he’ll leave. 

_When I wanted to hear your voice, I couldn’t. When I wanted to see your eyes look at mine, I couldn’t. All I could do was gaze at the sky and hope you were doing the same._

  
  


* * *

It’s a cruel joke, Yeonjun thinks, to be singing along to a song he wanted to be kept secret, while the person he dedicated it to was standing there watching. 

Sometime in between, Beomgyu leaves the set. Yeonjun makes sure to do what he’s told as quickly and as precisely as possible to ensure that the younger doesn’t hear much of the song. 

Unless he’s already listened to it. But that’s not possible right? In fact, Beomgyu couldn’t have listened to any of his songs, not when he resents him. 

At least thirty minutes pass before the young farmer came back, one of his hands clutching on to a cooler. There’s a polite smile on his face as he announces that he bought ice cream for the staff. “You all have been working hard since the morning to the afternoon, I’m sure you’re feeling hot.”

Yeonjun hears some of the staff members coo at Beomgyu’s thoughtfulness, even the tired director stretches his mouth into a smile. 

The smaller boy just had that effect — not an explosive, sudden burst of happiness. Rather it’s warmth, slowly spreading throughout your chest, but strong enough to push you to withdraw yourself albeit temporarily from the mayhem around you. 

The staff collectively sigh of relief when the director orders everyone to take a fifteen minute break. Although the cool breeze was blowing, the sun shamelessly shining directly above them made them sweat. It’s the perfect time to indulge in the sweetness of a chilled dessert. 

“Hyung, I did good right?”

Hearing the familiar subtle request for assurance, Yeonjun instinctively turns to Beomgyu. Since they were children, the younger liked receiving compliments from Yeonjun. With eyes filled with pure adoration, he always asked the older if he did a good job or if he did well on a particular thing, and Yeonjun would answer with a yes each time. He never understood why Beomgyu felt the need to do it, but Yeonjun always played along just to see the heartstopping smile etch itself on the other’s face. 

However this time, the question isn’t directed to Yeonjun, it’s not even him whose Beomgyu’s gaze is fixated on. 

“Yeah, you did good.” 

This time, it’s Soobin who becomes the receiving end of Beomgyu’s starry eyes and breathtaking smile. It’s Soobin who gets to pat the younger’s head and run his hands through the other’s hair. 

It’s Soobin. 

And it’s not Yeonjun anymore. 

Until the end of the short break, the idol never bothers picking up the ice cream that Beomgyu bought, never even bothers looking in his direction again. 

He shouldn’t. 

_I didn’t know what was more painful; to pretend that I’ve forgotten about you or to admit that I miss you._

* * *

  
  


The sun has fully set to make way for a navy blue sky by the time Yeonjun finishes. He’s just a few steps away from his van when Beomgyu approaches him. The shorter opens his mouth, only to close them again. A minute of silence passes by before Yeonjun breaks it by releasing a deep sigh. “Bye, Beomgyu. Thanks for letting us use your family’s field.”

A pained, conflicted expression registers on the said boy’s face, reflecting disbelief, guilt, and disappointment all at the same time. Yeonjun wants nothing but to curse at himself for once again hurting the other. 

“Bye.” Beomgyu waves goodbye before briskly walking away. 

It hurts. The ease and comfort between them have been completely erased. It hurts. But Yeonjun knows it’s for the best. Once he finishes what he needs to do here, he can leave and go back to his lavish lifestyle in Seoul and Beomgyu can stop waiting and be with whoever he wants. 

“What was that?” A different voice emerges behind Yeonjun. He turns and finds Soobin raising a brow at him. 

“What?”

“No confessions? No hugs? No smiles? I expected a warmer reunion than this.”

“What are you talking about?” 

Soobin rolls his eyes, as if silently calling Yeonjun dumb for not understanding what he means. “Beomgyu talks about you like you’re the reason why flowers bloom in spring. I didn’t expect for you two to be so.. cold with each other.”

Yeonjun still doesn’t understand, the statement causes him even more confusion. “Beomgyu hates me. And I deserve it, you probably know that I never visited or even called.”

“Yeah I know that, and you’re an asshole for that. But he doesn’t hate you.”

“Okay, it doesn’t matter whether he hates me or not. He has you now anyway.”

Hearing this, Soobin bursts into laughter. This begins to frustrate Yeonjun, what was so funny? Was the crumbling relationship between him and Beomgyu so comedic? 

“Are you seriously jealous of us? Wow. For a popular idol, I didn’t take you to be such an idiot.” Soobin says, an amused glint in his eyes. 

It’s Yeonjun’s turn to roll his eyes. He opens the door to his van, not wanting to waste his time being made fun of by some boy he met a few hours ago. 

“You’re a fool, Yeonjun. I hate the flavor, while Beomgyu tolerates it at most. So who do you think he bought all that ice cream for?”

The idol stops and swivels around. “What do you mean?”

“You think Beomgyu hates you, I mean I would too if you did to me what you did to him. But he surprisingly doesn’t. So don’t give up on him, he misses you. Just look into the cooler.” Before Yeonjun could say another word, Soobin strides away, ignoring the other’s calls. 

Seeing that the taller had no plans of indulging him with an explanation, Yeonjun looks for the cooler that Beomgyu brought earlier. 

What he finds inside are just ordinary pints of ice cream, but knowing that it was Beomgyu who bought them, to Yeonjun they mean everything. 

Mint chocolate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)  
> (i’m ia rn in twt and won’t be back until a few more weeks)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/prodbeomgyu)


	5. 05.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the middle of June.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta-ed

After the ice cream incident, instead of feeling relief over Beomgyu implying that he still cares, Yeonjun starts feeling even guiltier than before. The younger still knows him so well, still knows exactly how to reassure him without directly trying to do so. Meanwhile, he not only cut off all communication with him, his attempts at atoning for it only appear to give an opposite effect and aggravate the other even more. When they were children and until their mid-teenage years, Yeonjun took pride in how he’s the one who knows Beomgyu best, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.

The idol is the type of person whose behavior is affected by his emotions. As a result, it becomes visible when there’s a problem weighing itself on his shoulders. Yeonjun still has been following what he’s told to do — dance to this, pose like that, look in this direction — he does them. But once the lights and cameras are away, he reverts back into a lifeless shadow; the usual center of attention now hiding himself in a corner, only talking when necessary. 

Some may say he’s being overly dramatic, especially due to the fact that his somber mood is over a _boy_. But he has been pushing every thought of Beomgyu to the back of his mind the past five years, and now that Yeonjun sees him in every sight, in every corner, and in every flower in Cheongsando, those thoughts are finally forcing themselves into all aspects of his life.

Yeonjun isn’t surprised when his manager starts noticing. The man sits beside him on the couch he’s been resting on since his schedule for the day finished. “Okay kid, what’s wrong?”

He contemplates on whether he should really talk about it. Should he really bother the older male with it when the matter isn’t at all related to his idol life? But then again, they’ve already known each other since Yeonjun was only a trainee and their relationship only deepened over time, he even at times considers Seungho as an older brother and occasionally forgets that they’re not actually siblings. The manager has always been a comforting presence to Yeonjun. 

“There’s an… old friend I met with when we first arrived here. He’s mad at me, which is understandable, but he still tries to show that he cares about me. I really want to make it up to him, but besides the fact that we’ve been busy, I also keep making everything worse. We’ve talked a few times, but all I keep doing is hurt him.”

Seungho pauses to think properly about what to say, the answer is placed on a silver platter right in front of him, but knowing Yeonjun, he needs a push to get there. “So you’ve tried talking and it didn’t work. Have you tried _showing_ him how much you’re sorry? You should at least know what will make him crack if you’ve known him for so long.”

Yeonjun stays silent, confirming the manager’s assumption. “Do you really want to make it up to him?”

Hearing this, the younger looks up and replies in a heartbeat. “I’m not leaving this island until I do.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

The question is enough to send Yeonjun to his feet, silently grateful that Seungho is allowing him to go freely despite being ordered to keep him close.

Yeonjun doesn’t waste any time at all, he immediately heads to the farm. 

* * *

  
  


“Why are you here?” Exasperation registers on Beomgyu’s face after finding Yeonjun standing in the field again. He’s been in a cycle of hoping and hurting ever since the older came back. If Yeonjun thought he was subtle in ignoring the ice cream Beomgyu bought for him, then he was wrong. The younger foolishly hoped that the other would at least crack a smile at the gesture, but all he received in return was Yeonjun refusing to look in his direction.

Now with Yeonjun right in front of him, Beomgyu thinks it’s pathetic how the cycle has started again; he’s hoping. And he doesn’t want to wait and see if it’ll end with him hurting again. “If you’re here to argue, please just leave.”

“I’m not,” It’s obvious how tired Beomgyu is, both physically and mentally. The taller wants to help ease that visible exhaustion and worry, at least bit by bit. Half a decade is what Yeonjun needs to make up for, so he chooses a way that he knows will mean a lot to the younger. “I want to help you out here, I’ll work with you on the farm.” 

The incredulous look Beomgyu gives him is expected. “A few weeks with you can’t compare to those five years I know, but while I’m still here, I want to at least lessen the pain I caused.”

The shock on the shorter boy’s face slowly morphs into a more solemn expression, deliberating on the older’s proposal. With the distance between them becoming increasingly difficult to close, Yeonjun can only hope Beomgyu will be able to read between the lines. 

_Please don’t send me away again._

“Okay.”

“...okay?”

“Okay. Come help me harvest some peaches.”

Yeonjun wordlessly follows Beomgyu to the direction of the peach trees. Thankfully, he still recalls how a ripened peach should look and feel, he used to help out a lot in the farm after all. He looks for the fruits which have a completely yellow base color instead of green, then proceeds to hold and slightly squeeze them to test their firmness. If a peach is still hard, then it’s not ready for picking yet. 

The pair work together in silence, one isn’t quite ready for conversation yet and the other is respecting that. Fortunately, the sun isn’t so scorching anymore. The sky is clear and the breeze is cool and no one else is around to barge in their quiet space. Perhaps even the afternoon is supporting Yeonjun’s atonement too. 

They finish harvesting around an hour later. After drinking water, Yeonjun notices Beomgyu casting him an impressed look. “What?”

The shorter boy slides his tongue over his bottom lip before speaking, the other’s eyes trail the slow movement. “Nothing. It’s just… you’re still as quick as you used to be with picking. I finished a lot faster today because of you. Good job. And.. thanks.”

Pride courses through the older after hearing the compliment. Yeonjun thinks it’s a little funny how Beomgyu used to be the one who looked for validation and reassurance through words of praise, but now the tables have turned; he wants to keep hearing more from the younger about how he’s good at what he does, about how even if he’s an idol now he can still be of use in the farm, maybe even anything about his on-stage presence. However, he acknowledges that he has to work for them. As he previously said to his manager, he’s not leaving the island without reconciling with Beomgyu. 

Later when the idol is back in his hotel room, Seungho checks in on him and scrunches his nose after walking closer. “I suggest you wash up before heading to bed. You smell like leaves and dirt with a hint of… fruit?”

Yeonjun smiles back in response. “Then that means I’m finally starting to do something right.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


For the next few days, Yeonjun maintains his routine of going straight to the farm after finishing his schedules. Truthfully speaking, it’s exhausting. After hours of following orders from the director and repeatedly retouching his makeup, all he wants to do is immerse himself in the comfort of his suite. But he knows that despite not saying anything, Beomgyu has placed an expectation on him that Yeonjun is determined to fulfill.

The hope in the younger’s eyes isn’t hard to notice and the last thing Yeonjun wants is to be the cause of that wishful light to fade. For the second time. 

Meanwhile, Beomgyu remains closed off during each of the older’s next visits to the farm, he only listens when Yeonjun is telling a story and refuses to share any of his own. It’s his way of testing the other if he’ll give up trying to make amends or not. Ironically, his own actions are causing fear to linger in his chest. What if Yeonjun _does_ give up? What happens then? Will they drift apart completely and never see each other again?

But as much as Beomgyu wants nothing more than to be comfortable again in Yeonjun’s presence, it’s his own stubbornness and hurt that are holding him back.

That is, until a particularly warm afternoon.

Yeonjun arrives at the farm during sunset, feeling absolutely drained from hours of work with only a few minutes of rest in between. The only thing he’s eaten all day is a roll of kimbap, which is less than what he consumes even during his days of dieting. 

His movements are slow as he helps carry crates of vegetables into a truck. When Beomgyu asks if he’s okay and if he wants to rest, Yeonjun refuses with a dismissive wave of his hand. He’s okay. Even when he feels himself slightly shivering from the breeze, yet sweating from the heat crawling through his head, ears and neck. He’s okay. Even when he sways a little after he begins to feel dizzy just from simply standing. He’s okay. 

Even when the sky’s hues of orange, yellow, and pink abruptly fade into black, Yeonjun’s last thought is that he wants to tell Beomgyu that he’s okay. 

  
  


* * *

The first thing that Yeonjun sees after gaining back consciousness is the stark white ceiling of a hospital room. Its brightness causes him to squint as his vision slowly adjusts. Yeonjun attempts to lift his right hand, aiming to rub his eyes, but finds himself unable to after realizing the presence of a warm softness weighing his hand down. 

Using his other free one instead, the older male gently runs his fingers through the raven black locks of Beomgyu, who currently has his head resting on his own arm.

It’s been a while since he’s had a chance to take a good look at the younger’s face. Prior to Yeonjun lending a hand with the farm, most of his time with Beomgyu were spent either in argument or in silence filled with more confessions left unsaid. Needless to say, the shorter boy’s expression hasn’t been the friendliest. 

But right this very moment, with his eyes closed and full lips slightly parted, Beomgyu appears at peace. He looks content, like the past five years never happened — like Yeonjun never left him behind. It pains the latter to be constantly reminded that he has been the center of Beomgyu’s frustrations, but it’s his fault after all. 

After being awoken by the feeling of fingers through his hair, the calmness on the younger’s face is erased and contorts into a look of vexation that Yeonjun’s been too familiar with lately. He also takes away his hand that was holding the older’s. Suddenly, Yeonjun feels cold. 

“Are you crazy?! Why did you keep pushing yourself even when you were obviously tired? Your manager is on his way, I’ll probably get into trouble for this. You’re insane, you should have rested the first time I told you to!” Beomgyu is barely able to keep his voice down amidst his outburst. He bombards the boy on the hospital bed with questions and complaints in an attempt to hide his own worry and guilt. 

He should have forced Yeonjun to sit down the second he noticed him breathing heavier and shivering. Beomgyu should have turned him away for the day when he’s visibly exhausted from his schedules. Or maybe he should have just fully reconciled with Yeonjun earlier, so that the latter didn’t have to go to such extents in the first place. 

“I’m sorry,” Beomgyu hears the other whisper. He opens his mouth to object, wanting to say that this time it’s _his_ turn to apologize, but figures he should let Yeonjun continue and closes it. “I wasn’t thinking of anything else anymore. All that’s been in my mind is how much I want you to forgive me.”

Beomgyu’s throat suddenly feels dry. Is he really that important to Yeonjun to the point the latter forgot his own well-being because of him? The brief words break his heart, yet heal it at the same time. 

“Okay.” 

Yeonjun looks up, confusion registering on his face. Okay what?

“Okay. I forgive you hyung.” 

The idol glances at the calendar placed on the desk beside his bed. It’s the middle of June. 

It’s the middle of June and Beomgyu’s breathtaking smile is finally directed at him again. His bright eyes are gazing at him and his fingertips are making their way back to the older’s palm. 

Yeonjun feels light at the realization. 

It’s the middle of June. 

And the dandelions are starting to bloom. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word of the chapter: okay. lmao idk how many times i typed that
> 
> anyway it has been a while ! it’s been so long, to those who waited and will continue to wait despite my irregular updating schedule, thank you !
> 
> if you like this fic, please consider giving a kudos and leaving a comment hihi <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)  
> (i have both completed and ongoing beomjun twt aus if you’re interested)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/prodbeomgyu) (send me feedback here if you want to do it anonymously :D)


	6. 06.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the single split second that they’re both unmoving, Yeonjun can’t help but think it’s nice. This is nice.
> 
> Because in this moment, they’re not an idol and a farmer’s son fooling around. They’re just Yeonjun and Beomgyu — two boys laughing under the sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta-ed.

Yeonjun was given a day off. 

The cost was receiving an earful from Seungho about how he should be more careful with his health and how he shouldn’t push himself too much especially with matters irrelevant to his job. Nonetheless, a break is a break. 

But a day off also means that they’ve filmed enough content to afford having one in the first place. And more content means less time left with Beomgyu. 

Despite the strong desire to stay in bed until after sunset, Yeonjun doesn’t want to repeat the mistake of underestimating how fast time can move. In the past, whenever there was something he didn’t get to say or do with Beomgyu, Yeonjun would let it go because he used to feel so assured that it’s fine, used to feel confident that he can just do it the next day. 

Used to. 

Now, each passing second tightens Seoul’s grip on him, while it loosens Beomgyu’s. Yeonjun wants to keep as much of the younger’s warmth with him before it completely slips away. 

(Not that he’ll let it.)

  
  


* * *

Beomgyu blows at his bangs which were starting to stick to his sweaty forehead. “You know Soobin, it would be a big help if you actually did your part like you promised you would instead of watching me do everything myself.” 

“Soobin _hyung_.”

“I’ll call you that when you deserve it.”

“Brat.”

Despite getting called out, Soobin doesn’t move to lend a hand. Instead, he raises a question that’s been spurring his curiosity for the whole duration of his friendship with Beomgyu. “Why didn’t you let go of Yeonjun? Even until now, you still don’t want to. Why?”

Beomgyu pauses from plowing the field after hearing the query. He turns to Soobin with amusement in his eyes, deciding he’ll give a more humorous response. “Why? Do you want me to? So I can finally give you a chance?”

Beomgyu bursts into a boisterous laugh at the other’s harsh glare, but doesn’t miss the way the tips of Soobin’s ears begin to redden. He’s flustered. “T-That was gross, Beomgyu. Never say that again.” 

The shorter puts the plow down and settles himself on the miniscule space beside Soobin, who’s sitting on an empty fruit crate he turned upside down. Beomgyu starts pondering on the question more seriously, The taller must have noticed because he stays silent too. 

Beomgyu scratches his right palm. 

He’s not an idiot who sat around just waiting for Yeonjun. He went on different dates with different people, but not one made his heart ache the way Yeonjun did. 

Perhaps it’s because he’s the first; the first to make Beomgyu wish, the first to force him to let go. He’ll always keep thinking of a _what if_ with Yeonjun and he’ll always compare him to everyone who comes after him, if they surpass him or if they even come close. That’s how one gets over their first, after all. 

“Because he’s my first.”

The longing in Beomgyu will never leave. It’s too raw, too real, and has such a vice grip on him it makes his heart throb in pain yet he doesn’t want to push it away. 

Yeonjun is a wound that will never heal and a scar that will never fade. 

“And you never forget your first.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Beomgyu is busy washing the dishes he used for lunch when Yeonjun barges in his house uninvited, the sudden slamming of the door open startles him and almost causes him to drop the plate he was rinsing.

“Uh, sorry for surprising you. Your mom said I could go in.” 

“It’s fine, just knock next time maybe? Anyway, what are you doing here so early? You don’t usually come until around 5 or later, it’s only 1.” 

“It’s my day off,” Yeonjun strides closer to Beomgyu and leans on the counter next to the sink, where the latter is still rinsing dishes. “The bed was really tempting but I figured I’d rather spend the day here.”

“Wow, are you that eager to help harvest vegetables again?”

“I am if it’ll give me more time with you.”

Beomgyu groans. Sometimes he thinks it’s a curse how Yeonjun knows him like the back of his hand, because it also means he knows exactly what Beomgyu wants to hear. “Whatever, you should’ve stayed in your hotel. You’ll just get bored with watching me do housework.” 

After Yeonjun only hums in response, the pair spend the next few minutes in silence. With neither of them saying a word, only the clinking of glass and metal utensils along with the sound of running water from the faucet accompany them. However, Beomgyu can feel the older’s gaze, it wouldn’t have bothered him if it wasn’t so intense. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing. It’s just,” While watching the other clean the plates and utensils left in the sink, Yeonjun can’t help but entertain the thought that this must be how a simpler life with Beomgyu looks like. Without the spotlight, without the distance, it’s just the two of them in a little house. The vision sends a swirl of emotions in the pit of his stomach, they’re fluttering. It feels pleasant. “Let me help you. I’ll soap and you rinse.” 

“Oh, sure. Thanks hyung.” 

The two continue the chore while Beomgyu tells Yeonjun more of what he missed out on. Like the little girl they used to buy candy for grew up now and even has a boyfriend, like Ms. Lee from the central market who finally remarried again after being a widow for 13 years, like the big tree in the nearby empty lot that got cut down for timber — Beomgyu was sad to see it go, they used to play under its shade often.

It’s such a domestic setting, just listening to the younger while they do housework.

For a minute, Yeonjun believes he’s content with a life like this. 

“Oh! I just remembered,” Beomgyu starts after they finish the chore. “You’re not doing anything today and I’m willing to ditch farm work, wanna go to the beach?”

  
  


* * *

Like every other place in Cheongsando, It’s been a while since Yeonjun found his feet buried in the sands of Puldeung Beach. He closes his eyes and simply takes everything in. The smell of salt and seaweed lingering in the air, the sound of waves crashing onto each other and meeting the shore, the feeling of the cool breeze strongly blowing against his skin. 

The place holds a sort of serenity that Seoul no longer has. 

“What are you doing just standing there? Come on!” Fortunately, Yeonjun already removed his shoes and socks, because the next thing he knows is Beomgyu dragging him by his forearm to the water. They stop where the sea reaches their ankles. 

Yeonjun quietly laughs to himself as he watches Beomgyu play in the water. The latter is kicking at the waves and looking down in search of shells, saying that he wants to at least bring home something for his mother after leaving her to do farm work alone for the day. 

And there it is again. Warmth spreading from his heart throughout his chest. Yeonjun knows the reason behind it and he can’t help but indulge in the sweet tenderness a little more.

It reminds him of an emotion he’s been feeling this whole time, yet never had the will nor the chance to say.

“So much,” Yeonjun mumbles only to himself, but his eyes directed at the other boy who’s fixated on the hermit crab on his palm. 

“I missed you so much.”

Unfortunately, Beomgyu doesn’t hear it. Yeonjun spoke too softly. It’s now a secret that only the wind carries.

The idol is pulled out of his thoughts when a sudden coldness splashes across his chest.

“S-Sorry hyung! Ah, I didn’t mean to make your shirt wet!” Beomgyu isn’t familiar with clothes that are worth months of farm labor. Do their prints peel off when seawater touches them? What if Yeonjun gets scolded for getting wet?

Beomgyu braces himself for a scolding, but he later realizes that what he should have prepared for was a bigger splash of water from Yeonjun. The former’s whole face and neck are wet, water droplets begin to drip onto his shirt. 

And that’s how the two end up in a playful battle in the sea. Both of them didn’t bring spare clothes to change in after, but even that doesn’t stop them from trying to get each other soaked.

In the single split second that they’re both unmoving, Yeonjun can’t help but think it’s nice. This is nice.

Because in this moment, they’re not an idol and a farmer’s son fooling around. They’re just Yeonjun and Beomgyu — two boys laughing under the sunlight.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Their game stopped when the sun started to set and the cold began to bite. 

Beomgyu shivers when a gust of wind blows over them and he subconsciously scoots closer to Yeonjun. They’re both still dripping, but the heat radiating from the older’s skin felt too good to ignore. 

“So how’s that for a day off?” Beomgyu will never understand the burden of being constantly observed by the public’s eye, all he knows is that it must be difficult always having to bear such a weight. He assumes that much based on the dark circles under Yeonjun’s eyes and the way his shoulders slump when he thinks no one’s looking. But Beomgyu is always looking. 

“I had fun. I haven’t felt this carefree in a long time, thank you for this.” Yeonjun replies sincerely. He turns to the younger, whose bright orbs were already gazing back at him. 

Yeonjun didn’t think it was possible for a person to hold both the sea and the stars in their eyes, but then again, Beomgyu has always had a knack for proving him wrong. 

“Hyung, you’re staring.” 

Despite getting caught, the idol doesn’t turn away. In fact, it only encourages him to move closer. “I am.”

“Why?”

The distance between them is barely even there anymore. The smaller boy believes his heart is about to burst out of his chest as it throbs in anticipation for reasons he wants to deny. Releasing a shaky breath, Beomgyu thinks he feels Yeonjun’s words before he even hears them. “Because you’re beautiful.”

_You’re even more_. The younger wants to say, but what comes out of his mouth is entirely different. 

“Hyung, will you ever give up Seoul?”

And just like that, the question causes Yeonjun to freeze as he’s suddenly reminded of why he’s here in the first place. He didn’t come back to have fun and he most definitely didn’t come back to reignite the fading flame between him and his first love. Although he’s thankful that Beomgyu has forgiven him, the reconciliation doesn’t erase the fact that he’s only here to work. 

He’s an idol, a public figure. He’s the young star at the top of Seoul’s cruel industry. 

“I’ll hold on to it for as long as I can.”

And Yeonjun isn’t about to give it all up _just for one boy_.

  
  
  


Their trip back to the farm is spent in silence. Beomgyu notices that the older’s shoulders are slumped once again, but doesn’t say anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah tbh i’m worried this is getting boring ;; it’s just that i want to build their relationship up first, which is why only beomgyu and yeonjun are appearing hhh 
> 
> anyway
> 
> if you like this fic, please consider giving a kudos and leaving a comment hihi <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)  
> (i have both completed and ongoing beomjun twt aus if you’re interested)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/prodbeomgyu) (send me feedback here if you want to do it anonymously :D)


	7. 07.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeonjun learned overtime to close his heart for the sake of building his image of being the perfect idol, but seeing Beomgyu again forced it open — revealing to himself just how lonely he’s become and allowing doubt to slowly seep in. 
> 
> Suddenly there’s a void that even the biggest stage can’t fill. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta-ed.

After their trip to the beach, Yeonjun doesn’t come back to the farm for a week. 

Beomgyu can’t help but think he did something wrong. One moment they were having fun, the next only white noise filled the space between them. It’s confusing, but most of all it’s worrying.

This situation is reminding him of how things were prior to Yeonjun’s return to the island; no visits and absolutely no communication. The thought of that happening again causes anxiety to course through Beomgyu, intense enough to send his stomach twisting and churning; he’s bothered to the point he feels nauseous. 

It’s pathetic really, how he’s the one who Yeonjun asked forgiveness from yet now he’s pining after the older hoping he won’t turn his back on him for the second time.

Fortunately, they exchanged numbers before Yeonjun started avoiding him. There’s at least a way to contact him this time. 

Beomgyu also considered the possibility that maybe Yeonjun is just on a tight schedule, perhaps his manager is pressuring him to focus only on work. But after ten text messages and four calls were all left unanswered, Beomgyu starts believing that maybe the radio silence is on purpose. 

One more time. Just one more call. If he’s still left hanging, then he’ll just have to accept that once again, Yeonjun has become unreachable. 

“ _Hello?”_

Beomgyu holds back a deep sigh of relief, the tension in his shoulders easing, and takes a moment to compose himself before replying, “Will you come tonight?”

He’s not questioning why Yeonjun’s treatment of him changed overnight, he’s not accusing the older that he just worked for Beomgyu’s forgiveness to make himself feel better, all he’s asking for is one more night with Yeonjun. 

“Please, hyung.”

It’s loud all around him, a farm is never silent especially during the day, but due to his apprehension, all Beomgyu can hear is his thundering heartbeat and Yeonjun’s breathing from the phone. 

Just one more night.

_“Okay. I’ll come after sun down, if that’s okay.”_

Beomgyu finally lets himself smile. “It’s enough. Thank you hyung, see you tonight.”

* * *

  
  
  


Yeonjun knows the way he’s acting is hurting Beomgyu. He granted his forgiveness only to be given the cold shoulder right after. 

But the latter’s question both scared Yeonjun and served as a wake up call for him. He has a rich life in Seoul that he built himself, what if it crumbles the moment he loses focus for even just a second? Yeonjun isn’t a fool, he acknowledges that someday the glory will fade and the spotlight will shift to someone else. However, while he still has both, shouldn’t he avoid distractions so he can keep them as long as he can?

A distraction. Is that all what Beomgyu is to him now?

Before coming back to Cheongsando, Yeonjun was just so _sure_. He was certain that he already has everything he wants. Although the money and the fame came at the cost of his privacy and numerous sleepless nights, he absolutely loves performing and the fact that when he’s on stage, he’s sure that the audience sees no one but him. 

Yeonjun learned overtime to close his heart for the sake of building his image of being the perfect idol, but seeing Beomgyu again forced it open — revealing to himself just how lonely he’s become and allowing doubt to slowly seep in. 

Suddenly there’s a void that even the biggest stage can’t fill. 

Is there actually one more thing that Yeonjun wants? 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The sky is covered with little clusters of light by the time the idol finds himself standing by Beomgyu’s front door, Yeonjun wants to curse at the stars for shining so brightly on the night he has to say goodbye. 

During his week away from the farm, he immersed himself in work even more than before and as a result, he quickly finished the shoot for his music video. There’s no longer any reason to stay on the island. 

And now he’s here, because he knows Beomgyu deserves a proper farewell at the very least.

“You came!” Yeonjun is greeted by a cheerful Beomgyu. The older only nods in response, believing that the less words exchanged then the less it’ll hurt. 

Without warning, Beomgyu takes Yeonjun’s hand and entwines their fingers together. Too surprised to pull away, the taller male is dragged inside. He’s brought further up and further into the house, ending up in Beomgyu’s little bedroom instead of in the living room like he expected. 

It changed a lot. 

Figurines and posters of cartoon characters they admired as children were all gone, giving way for novels and CDs instead. Drawings and writings that Yeonjun’s 11 year old self scribbled on the walls to annoy Beomgyu were all wiped clean too. He spots an open box in the corner and after giving it a swift peek, discovers it filled with photo albums and frames of Beomgyu’s childhood. 

Yeonjun feels his throat dry. After tonight, would he also just be another one of Beomgyu’s memories locked away to collect dust? 

But then wouldn’t that be better for the both of them?

Yeonjun has been asking questions to himself the whole day yet he doesn’t have an answer to any of them. 

“Hyung, do you remember when we used to collect dandelions?” Beomgyu breaks the silence, nostalgia coating each word.

“Yeah,” Yeonjun is unable to bite back a smile after past moments of laying in flower fields briefly flash in his mind. “You said wishing on stars was too cliché, so you wanted to do it on plants instead. We would blow and make a wish on every dandelion we could find.”

From new toys to healed injuries to promises of lifelong friendship, the pair put all their faith in the little flowers to fulfill their desires. Yeonjun secretly doubted if the wishing would actually have any effect, but seeing how doing so made Beomgyu happy, he played along anyway. 

“Well, I never stopped. I know it sounds childish that I kept believing in them. But I was just so desperate,” Beomgyu pauses to take out a glass jar from his bedside drawer and beckons Yeonjun to sit next to him on the bed so he can clearly see what’s inside. The jar was filled with flower stems, specifically dandelions which already had their petals blown away, dandelions that were already wished upon. 

The reminiscent atmosphere around them turns heavy, thick with longing and chances left untaken.

“One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five dandelions inside. After you left, I always took each one I could find,” The younger looks up at Yeonjun with his eyes glistening with unshed tears of both bliss and hopelessness. “And I wished for you, every time.” 

Seconds pass by before a choked sob from Yeonjun follows the statement. 

Everything hits him all at once — the guilt that he’s been too familiar with, the loneliness he refused to face, and the yearning he could show only underneath the notes of music sheets. He’s breaking and now all the emotions he was hiding are seeping through the cracks. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Beomgyu swallows, taking a moment to stop his voice from wavering. The tears he was holding back before now freely rolling down his cheeks. “All I ask, even if I’m just in the back of your mind, please don’t forget me.”

Yeonjun feels ashamed. He had brushed the other aside and easily erased him once he got a taste of how it’s like at the top. He was showered with cheers and embraced by the comfort of expensive cotton sheets while Beomgyu stayed hoping for at least another glimpse of him. 

Yeonjun feels _so_ ashamed. “I’m sorry, petal.”

Hearing the nickname, Beomgyu visibly turns rigid and puts the jar aside. He curls his fingers around the collar of Yeonjun’s shirt to tightly grip on it. “Say it again. Say that name again.”

“I am _so_ sorry, petal. I-”

Yeonjun is unable to continue speaking, he can’t. Not when Beomgyu suddenly pressed his lips against his and took his breath away. 

With it being the younger’s first kiss, the inexperience is obvious; it’s clumsy, it’s awkward, especially with Yeonjun whose hands remain frozen on his sides due to being overcome with shock. After noticing the older’s lack of response, Beomgyu begins to pull away in embarrassment. “Sorry, I don’t really know how to kiss since I’ve never been kissed and oh no I didn’t even ask first if you want to you probably hate me even more now I ruined-“

Yeonjun cups Beomgyu’s cheek and finally slots his lips against the latter’s. A flame ignites in his chest that immediately spreads like wildfire to burn in the deepest pits of his stomach. He subconsciously pulls the younger closer and _closer_ until he’s straddling his lap, wanting to feel more of him, wanting to have his senses surrounded by only him, after being deprived for years. 

Unlike the first kiss which had some fumbling and was quite tense due to Beomgyu’s nervousness, this one is filled with pure desperation and raw passion made possible only by two hearts reuniting after beating separately for so long.

From the way shivers run down Beomgyu’s spine when he feels large hands move down the dip of his lower back and fingers brush against the warm skin exposed there, from how his arms wrap around Yeonjun’s shoulders to close the miniscule distance between their bodies, from how he completely melts and whimpers when Yeonjun tugs on his lower lip. And from the way the kiss is bittersweet — their shared tears meeting between their lips yet for a brief moment, Beomgyu’s mouth curves into a small smile. 

From all this, Yeonjun realizes it was a mistake to let it all go. 

Pulling away, he holds back a chuckle after seeing how dazed Beomgyu looks, as if still in disbelief what just occurred. His cheeks are flushed and lips are clearly reddened, it pleases Yeonjun to know that he’s the cause of both and the fact pushes him to pull Beomgyu in by the nape for a deep kiss once more. 

He’s not about to make the same mistake twice. 

“Come to Seoul with me.”

The astounded expression on Beomgyu’s face turns to confusion. It would be so easy to say yes, but what about his family? What about the farm? He can’t leave them all behind.

He must have voiced out his distress, because Yeonjun is responding in an attempt to calm him down. “You’re not staying with me permanently, just for a few weeks until my schedules ease. There’s three days left until I leave so we can ask your parents about it tomorrow. When the weeks are done I’ll buy you a flight back and I’ll come with you, okay?”

“You’ll come back.. with me? But what about your job? What will your bosses say?”

“I’ll just go back and forth, it’s not like it’s a long flight. And my manager can’t whine about it either if I just keep doing what they tell me to do, I’m too precious to fire anyway.” Yeonjun jokes a little to assure Beomgyu. 

“Well, if you say so,” Beomgyu’s worries aren’t fully eased just yet, but he’ll leave tonight’s new problems to tomorrow. “For now, one more kiss?”

Yeonjun doesn’t need to be told twice. “Anything for you, petal.”

(The “one more kiss” turns into two more, then three, then four. And for good measure, five.)

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hides in shame it's so obvious this was my first time writing a kissing scene bye .
> 
> if you like this fic, please consider giving a kudos and leaving a comment hihi <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jjukkyumiz)  
> (i have both completed and ongoing beomjun twt aus if you’re interested)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/prodbeomgyu) (send me feedback here if you want to do it anonymously :D)


End file.
